


The Call of My Dark World

by RedHandedJill (FallenFurther)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Afterlife, Character Death, Dark, Death, Destiny, Fate, Fate & Destiny, Gen, Ghosts, Historical, Historical Dress, Historical References, Hurt, Inspired by Real Events, Pain, Rats, Welsh Character, light - Freeform, mining, welsh mining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22636048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallenFurther/pseuds/RedHandedJill
Summary: This was written for the yearly Writing Competition on a forum for the game Age of Kings. It won the 2015 Writing competition.Gethyn is a young boy living in a poor Welsh mining community in the 1840's. He had grown up knowing his fate was to go down the mine. This is the story of his life, his death, and his destiny.This fiction is based on real historical events. I have tried to make it as historically accurate as possible, though have used some artistic license in places. The experiences of Gethyn are based off real life accounts from children at the time and other research I have done into the subject.





	The Call of My Dark World

**Author's Note:**

> Welsh name pronunciations;  
> Cynfab = CUN-vab  
> Mabon = MAH-bon  
> Morgan = MOR-gan  
> Gethyn = GETH-in  
> Ceri = Kerry  
> Rhun = Reen

It felt like any other Sunday. I pulled on my best clothes, grimacing as the rough wool scratched my skin, and brushed off as much dust and dirt as I could. There was always some black dust from the mine on them, even though I tried to keep them off the floor. It was hard to keep the house clean and Mother would give me an earful if I went to church dirty. My sisters helped each other with their dresses, and my father and big brother, Cynfab, buttoned up their waist coats. I lifted up a small grey dress and looked at my younger brother Morgan. He scowled at me as I moved towards him with the dress held open. He wriggled as I pull it over his head, and I had to fight his arms into the holes. He hated the rough wool just as much as I did. I neatened up his hair and dusted him down before he ran off. In the corner, Mother knelt over my other brother, Mabon. Tears ran down her face as she tenderly dressed his body. My bottom lip started to tremble and I turned away, joining my father and brothers by the door. 

We left the house as a family; Father and Cynfab carried Mabon. I walked behind, holding Morgan’s hand to stop him from running ahead. I don’t think he understood why we had to walk behind Father, but he knew things were different as Mabon used to hold his other hand. Mother and my sisters were behind us, comforting each other, but they were very quiet for once. At the church, the sermon dragged on as it normally did and I tried not yawn or fidget. I tried to keep Morgan, who wriggles more than I, still so he didn’t distract the people around us. I tapped his hand when he tried to scratch and made him stand for the singing like everyone else. I tried to sing the hymns but the words were so fast and peculiar that I struggled to keep up. The Reverend talked for a long time on something from the Bible and I didn’t know when I was meant to be listening. I was still sleepy but the hard wood of the pews made it impossible to be comfortable. 

Normally I would go to Sunday school but today we stayed behind after the service, along with some of our neighbours and friends. The Reverend led everyone out to the graveyard. I had to keep Morgan from running among the stones as we walked to the poorer area. Being one of the smallest there I stood closest to the freshly dug hole. I was so close to the hole that I would easily fall if I was knocked hard, and I had to keep Morgan from falling in too. I didn’t have to peer over at all to see the small wooden box placed at the bottom. The wind blew past my neck and I shivered. The Reverend started to speak from the Bible again, but this time about death. My eyes couldn’t leave the box. The cold felt like it was seeping into my body and squeezing my heart. I had tried to forget it, but now I had to believe. My brother was dead. Mabon had always been ill, ever since the cold winter during his first year, but he’d gotten better every time. He had always been little, but he still fought and played with me. We’d play rough and he’d be fine. Other babies had died and I was okay with them, they had just cried. But I’d had six years with Mabon. I’d just thought he had another cough and that he would be better in a week. But he wasn’t. His throat went white and he started to wheeze. The sickness got him one night and he never woke up. Now he was in a box, in his Sunday best. I shivered. The Reverend finished. Dirt began to be shovelled onto the box. I wanted to reach out and stop them. I wanted Mabon to wake up and come back. A tear fell as the box disappeared under the soil. I knew he wasn’t going to wake up. I realised I had been holding my breath. I took in the cold air. My father put a hand on my shoulder and led me away. We went home. 

Weeks passed by. 

The house was empty without Mabon. Everyone felt it, even Morgan. He followed me everywhere and even three weeks after we had buried Mabon, he hardly wriggled at all when I dressed him in his Sunday best. He would have to get used to being on his own soon. I had turned eight a few days ago and tomorrow I would join my father and my older siblings working in the mine. The thought of it made me nervous, but we needed the money and I was luckier than most on my street. Some of my friends had started down the mine at six, and my own brother Cynfab had started when he was five. Cynfab had narrowly avoided being crushed by a cave in one month after he started, and his younger brother had been even more unlucky. He started at five as well, and died in a cave in after just two months. 

After that cave in, Mother wanted to take Cynfab out of the mine and not let her other children work there at all, but the family couldn’t survive on Father’s wage alone. Cynfab had to keep working, and the family was so poor that Cynfab had to walk to the pawn shop every Monday to pawn the Sunday clothes and then get them back every Saturday. In the end, Father persuaded Mother to let us start down the mine when we were eight. Things got better for us once my sisters started working and we had enough money to keep our Sunday clothes, but not enough to buy new ones. My Sunday best were the only clothes I owned that hadn’t been patched up, and I had to take them off after Sunday school to stop me getting holes in them.

I pulled at the slightly large jumper as the service drew to an end. I had dreamed through it all, though I didn’t think anyone else noticed. I followed the adults out the church and joined the children going to Sunday school. As I waited with the boys, Ceri, who lives down the street, grabbed my arm and pulled me to face her. 

“Happy Birthday! Well, it was the other day but still.”

She grinned at me, her teeth showing. I smiled back, not quite sure if I was as happy to see her as she was to see me. 

“Hello Ceri. Thank you.”

“Okay children, follow me now.”

Mrs Jones, the Sunday school teacher, saved me from having to pretend to be happy when I wasn’t. I started after the others before I noticed Ceri wasn’t following. I turned to see her looking at me. She hadn’t moved and was no longer smiling, if anything she looked sad. I felt bad. 

“Gethyn! Ceri! Hurry along!”

I reached out and grabbed Ceri’s arm, just as she done to me. I pulled her, running after the others. We would be in trouble with Mrs Jones if we were late. We ran down the path to the church gate and joined the back of the group, where we were able walk. But I only let go of her arm after I’d looked into her face. I needed to show her that I was upset and that I would explain later. She understood. I looked up at the school house as we passed through its gate. I didn’t know what tomorrow would be like but in a weeks’ time I’d be back here again, and for once it was a comforting thought. I never considered Sunday school fun, however that day it became a sanctuary and I felt relaxed for the first time since my birthday. 

They separated the girls from the boys in school so I sat on the other side of the room to Ceri. I had a different teacher to Ceri, who laid the Bible out before us. We were looking at one of the Gospels, and had it read aloud at the front by Mrs Jones. She read the words then talked about them like the Reverend did. She talked more simply than the Reverend so I understood more, but it was still quite hard. I learnt something about Jesus and water. I then had to practice my reading on the passage and we repeated it together. I read the passage with another boy and we helped each other to read the words. I was able recognise most of the letters but was still learning what some of the words looked like. The teacher helped each pair one by one. It was hard trying to put the letters together and my partner struggled as well. It was easier when the teacher helped.

It was late afternoon when school finished and we were allowed to go home. Ceri waited for me at the gate as normal, along with other boys and girls from our street. I smiled at them and looked forward to talking and messing around with them on the walk home. Some of the others had already started in the mine so I’d heard stories of their first days and of the accidents that happened underground. I found it scary how often people got hurt. It meant they couldn’t work. My sister once got a large scratch on her leg and it’d had to be bandaged. My family had been luckier than some; Ceri’s eldest brother had broken his arm a day ago. Ceri was over a year younger than me but she might have to enter the mine soon because her brother can’t work. She’d stopped talking with the other girls and wandered closer to me as we turned into our street. 

“Sorry ‘bout earlier, I’ve just got nerves about tomorrow.”

“You should be sorry. The mine ain’t that bad. All the others are fine and they’re younger than you. Anyway Mother says this’ll be my last week at home, so I’ll be joining you soon.”

“You looking forward to it then?”

“Not sure, but we need the money. You want to play by the stream? “

“Sure, I’ll meet you by the path.”

I ran the rest of the way to my house. I stepped into the small room and looked around. Father and Cynfab were not there. They were probably having a drink with the other miners. My eldest sister was outside preparing a fire for dinner and the rest were helping Mother with the patching and washing of clothes. I pulled off my Sunday best and slipped on my normal clothes. I was putting my best away when I noticed a heap of mucky grey cloth near my sleeping mat. My work clothes. I stared at them.

“Can I play too?”

Morgan startled me. He knew I was about to head out, as did my mother. 

“Dinner will be after sundown.”

“We’ll be back by then.”

I led Morgan to the dirt path where we waited for Ceri and her brother. We didn’t have to wait long and soon we were running down the path to the stream. I had to keep checking on Morgan as he was the youngest and kept getting left behind. Once at the stream we splashed in the cold water before climbing rocks and trees. I enjoyed my evening, and I was sad to see the sun start to set behind the hill. In the last light, we ran up the path towards home. The run filled me with joy even though Morgan got tired so I had to carry him on my back. The evening ended with potato and carrot, followed by bed. I was to go to work with my youngest sisters tomorrow.

********** 

I was shaken awake. I rubbed my eyes and carefully got up. Morgan was asleep near me so I stepped over him to make sure he didn’t wake. I slipped on my work clothes, which were too big. It didn’t surprise me, most of my clothes started off too big. I crept over to the door where my sister handed me a tin and ushered me out. The sun hadn’t risen and the wind was cold. The eldest closed the door and we started off together. It was five in the morning. I tried to remember the way as I was lead up the road. We were slowly joined by a few more children, all no older than about eleven. In the dark the path up to the mine was barely visible, but my sisters knew the way well enough not to need a candle. 

The mine was only a short way out from the town so the sun still hadn’t risen by the time we’d reached the opening. Even in the dark I was able to make out the flat area around me. My sisters walked me to the foreman and left me standing next to the stout old man. He looked rough, and strong. I had a feeling he’d worked his time in the mine. He looked down at me. 

“You’ll start as a trapper. You make sure the air keeps flowin’ round the tunnels. You buy yourself a candle from me; I sell everything you need for mining. Follow me.”

He walked towards the entrance and I followed. A young boy entered before us, not batting an eyelid, but I slowed as I neared the gaping black hole. I paused just before the dark line of the entrance and stared into the dark tunnel. I felt a warm breeze blowing on my face; a shiver ran up my back and made the hairs on my neck stand on end. I closed my eyes and stepped into the mine. I released the air in my chest and hurried after the foreman. My sight was useless as my eyes struggled to adjust to the darkness. The ground was hard and uneven and I stumbled slightly as I walked along. I had to rush to keep up with the foreman. It felt like there was a slope, but I couldn’t be sure. I followed the footsteps of the foreman which were muffled by the echoes of the mine. 

Shapes started to dance in front of me and I was finally able to see the dark outline of the stooped foreman. I started to notice the darker black of the beams which supported the roof in places. Occasionally we saw another dark figure, all of whom seemed to be children, and most were next to a wooden door. They were opened as we passed through but a faint thud confirmed they were closed behind us. I was led off down a side tunnel and not far down was a wooden door. We stopped. 

“This is your trap. You open it to let people through and then close it. Understand?”

It was simple. I nodded because I didn’t want to speak. I assumed he could see me.

“Good. You do your business here. You eat your dinner here. You can light your candle if you want, but you’re not allowed to leave till the last hurrier has come through. Understand?”

I nodded. 

“Good boy, work hard.”

He left me. I was just able to see the door, but it comforted me to feel along the wall as I approached it. I pushed against it and it opened. It wasn’t hard, but I had a little trouble closing it again. I stood by the door not knowing what to do with myself. I opened my ears to the mine and listened. The strange echoes unnerved me. I heard the sound of voices and they seemed close. I listened as it got closer and closer until it sounded like it was right next to me. It took a while for me to see the men with their tools. I quickly pushed open my trap, letting them through. There were a fair number of them, heading to the bottom to work. I closed the trap. I took my tin out my pocket and placed it on a flat rocky groove at the bottom of the wall. I felt my candle and matches in my other pocket and I was tempted to light it. As I was thinking about it I heard a scraping sound coming towards me. I placed my hand on the trap and stared into the darkness. The noise was from four vague shapes that were pulling wooden carts. The older ones had one to themselves, the smaller ones shared with one pulling and one pushing. I let them through and closed the door again. 

I stood next to the door and peered at it carefully. I couldn’t make out the slats that it was made of but I was able to feel them. I sat down on the ground and rested against the wall next to my tin. I closed my eyes but it made no difference. The rock was cool compared to the air. I pulled my knees close to my chest and listened. There were odd sounds starting to reach me. The sharp sounds scared me. It was hard to make out what they were as they were echoes of the real sound. I tried to work out which way they were coming from. Some were coming from the way I had come in but as I continued to listen, more came from the way everyone had gone. I opened the door and the noise got a little louder. I picked up my food and moved to the other side of the door. I don’t really know why I did but I felt like it was the right thing to do. I heard the sound of metallic clanks of tools on rock and the bangs of rock falling. It frightened me. 

I sat back down and realized I was alone. The darkness engulfed me. My only companions were the noise and the warmth and the dark that gripped me tight and felt like it would never let me go. I was alone with my thoughts as I waited for someone to come along. I tried to think of playing with Ceri in the sunshine, but I couldn’t get rid of the dark that lurked at the forefront of my mind. I pulled my knees closer and shut my eyes tight. The darkness was pushing all around me. I held my breath. I imagined that the mine was just a dream. A bad dream; a nightmare. I opened my eyes but the darkness was still there. I was trapped in a nightmare. I breathed in a sharp breath of warm air and reached into my pocket. I grasped the candle in a fist. I hesitated. Should I light it? I stared into the dark and slowly pulled out the candle. I knelt down and placed it between my knees. I reached into my pocket for the matches, picked one out and struck it. Light blazed before me. I had to blink twice it was so bright, but it dampened down to a glow as the wood began to burn. I lowered the match and found the wick. Once the candle was lit I let the match burn down until it was close to my fingers. The light of the match was a comfort; it seemed to scare the darkness away. 

The candle was now glowing between my knees and I picked it up. The flame flicked and my heart jumped, but it stayed alight. I could see my hands in its light. The mine was warm enough that I could barely feel candles heat, but I wasn’t after heat. I raised it to the trap. I could now see the lines and marks in the wood. I studied the uneven surface of the wall, casting shadows over it which sent shivers down me. The floor was flatter than the wall and had scratches along it, possibly from the carts the children were pulling. The sound of scrapping startled me. It didn’t sound that far off and I held my candle towards the tunnel. As I strained to see beyond the light a figure started to come into it. It closed its eyes against the light and continued to come forward slowly. I reached out and opened the door, holding the candle in my right hand. I let its light fall on him as he moved through. He was one of the older boys and was pulling a very full cart. A belt around his waist was joined to the cart by a short chain. Each step he took made the chain taut and pulled the cart further up the tunnel. His back was bent over and his feet were almost under the cart. The cart’s wheels were not moving well against the floor and I could see that more effort was needed to get it over the uneven parts. The black rock in the cart was a hands length lower than the tunnel and must be the coal that had been mined. I closed the door on him. 

My head brushed some rock. I raised the candle and the roof wasn’t far above me. I put my hand between my head and the roof; I had about a fist of room to grow. I hadn’t realised how small the tunnel was. The foreman and men must have been bending over a lot. The space suddenly felt smaller. I could feel the warm wax on my fingers. I looked at the light and the circle it produced. The world beyond it was black. It felt darker than it had been without the candle. The fear filled me again as I realised how little the candle lit. The small candle in my hand was barely fighting off the dark. The dark was still there, still reaching out for me. I closed my eyes and fell against the wall. It was hard and cold but the dark felt colder. The candle would never last the day. I slowly opened my eyes and looked at the flickering flame in my fist. Tears leaked from my eyes as I realised I had to sacrifice myself to the dark. I blew it out. I pulled my knees up and waited for the wax to solidify. As I did so, more scraping got closer. I stood up in the now darker dark and pulled the trap towards me. I felt trapped. As I stood there I started to make out the less dark shades of black. I watched and listened to the children that pulled the carts through the door. There were two carts going through this one. I made sure they were through before closing the door. I sat down and listened, waiting for the next cart, trying to forget the dark. 

**********

I had gotten used to opening the door in the dark. Like my sisters had told me, it wasn’t hard work. I had opened it often as the carts made many trips between the mine and the outside world. The air felt slightly warmer now but I couldn’t be sure. I was starting to get really hungry so I thought it must be time for lunch. I reached down for my tin, but it wasn’t where I left it. I patted the area around where I’d put it and I felt something soft. Something sharp went into my hand and I pulled it back. I reached into my pocket and lit my candle. In the light I saw a large brown creature run off behind the door. There was a little blood where the rat had bitten me. I put the wound in my mouth and winced at the bitter taste. Not far from where I’d been feeling was my tin. It was still shut as the rat couldn’t get it open. I was happy that my sisters had given it to me, but I realised how easy it was to lose it. I opened it up. I had bread, a carrot and a parsnip, which I gladly ate. I had no water so I was thirsty. I put my tin in my pocket, where it would now live, and blew out the candle. 

The day continued as it had before lunch. I let the hurriers through the trap. The dark still surrounded me and now I was aware of the sound of the rats. They scuttled back and forwards, sometimes brushing their warm furry bodies against me. It made me jump but it didn’t bother me too much. It bothered me less than the dark. I was still uneasy in the dark. It made my heart feel cold. I was lonely. The hurriers made it all slightly more bearable, though I had lost count of how many had gone by. I was starting to get hungry. As I was wondering when it was time to leave I heard the sound of low voices coming closer. I opened the door and the men passed through. Were they off home? But no one told me to leave, so I sat back down and waited. Three carts passed by and still no one said I could leave. Finally, as my stomach started to grumble, more feet approached. I was confused as I didn’t remember letting anyone else through. As they approached I opened the door and noticed the black outlines were not bent over. They were shorter than me, maybe even younger. Suddenly I realised they could be trappers. I didn’t know what to do or say, so I asked. 

“Can I go home now?”

My voice sounded weird in the dark, which seemed to swallow it up. 

“Yes, last carts have been.”

I smiled to myself and shut the door behind me. I followed after the figures, one of which was the boy who had spoken. I had my hand on the rough wall to guide me. I felt relief as I entered the main tunnel and I started up the slope. It was a long walk up but I could soon see the light of the entrance. I smiled and my heart raced. I saw light. With each step it got stronger. With each step my spirit lifted. The darkness’s grip felt like it was loosening. I was leaving the dark world, and I was happy. I stepped out the mine into the cold air. I took a deep breath and felt the cold rush into my lungs. It was light outside, but only just. The sun was setting behind the mountain. I followed everyone down the rocky path towards the village. It was a mix of children of all ages with the odd man or woman. The trappers left last, so were the youngest. The joy I felt as I had left the mine seeped away as the sky darkened and the mountain became a tall shadow. 

The sun had set by the time I got home. The bath was set outside, with Cynfab just finishing and my oldest sister ready to take her turn. In the dim light I could see my clothes were dirty from where I had been sitting and my hands were black with dust. Morgan ran out to me but decided not to jump on me when he noticed the dirt. His dress was much cleaner than I was. When it was my turn I stepped into the cold dirty water and washed myself. I got most the dust off my hands and washed my hair. I dried off with the cloth and dressed in my clean clothes. By now my tummy was hurting, and I was happy that dinner would be soon. I could smell it. The vegetable stew was served and I ate up all off my share. I mopped up the water with a little bread. I had a drink of water before throwing out the bucket filled with business into the street. I stepped back inside the house and yawned. Everyone was tired and I got ready for bed. There was just enough room for all of us to sleep on the floor without touching, but we couldn’t roll too much. Morgan fell asleep quickly like normal. I looked at him as I was lying there. He looked small. I thought of my first day in the mine and how children not much older than him worked in the dark, doing what I did. I didn’t want that for him. But he had five years to wait until he went down. Maybe he could work somewhere other than the mine. I yawned, closed my eyes and drifted off.

Days passed by.

I sat next to my trap, knowing it was almost time for the last carts to go by. I was still uneasy in the dark; I didn’t like it here. But I wasn’t scared of the dark anymore. I only used my candle to eat my food. The rats sometimes tried to get into my tin or climb over me but I had gotten used to it. I asked my sisters and they said the rats were normal. They told me that if all the rats run in one direction then the mine was about to cave in so I should follow them. A cart passed by and I opened the door. Not long after the other trappers walked by and I closed the door for the last time that day. I don’t use the wall much to get out and the sky was still light, but it was autumn so winter would come soon. It made me sad to think that in the winter I would never see the sun. When I got home I went through the usual routine of bath and dinner before I emptied the bucket. I looked forward to the next morning, and slept well. 

**********

It was Sunday and I was happy to wear my Sunday best. I enjoyed the walk to church. It felt strange to have the sun on my skin, but it made me happy. It was light! Church was still boring but I didn’t mind. I left to go to Sunday school. Ceri was waiting for me and I smiled at her as I walked over.

“So, how was it? Not that bad, right?”

She went straight to it. I still smiled but looked down at my feet.

“It’s not bad, it’s easy. I still hate it. It’s darker than the darkest night.”

Ceri was grinning at me.

“You scared of the dark?”

I looked at her sharply. 

“No. I am not! I’m not frightened, and it don’t scare me. I just don’t like it down there. You’ll see tomorrow. It’s different.”

“Yes, I will. I’ll show you it’s not scary.”

“I’m not scared!”

I would have insisted further but we had to follow Mrs Jones. I sat through the school and was good. I recited everything properly but I had forgotten what we had learnt last week so got punished. After Sunday School Ceri walked with me to our street and we played with some of the other children until dinner. The sun was setting when I said goodbye. It was vegetable stew for dinner again. As I lay down to sleep I wondered how Ceri would find the next few days. Would she like it down the mine? Would she feel uneasy in the dark too? I wanted her to understand how I felt. It was hard for me to fall asleep that night. 

A week passed by. 

I left the church to go to Sunday school. Ceri was standing outside waiting, but she wasn’t as happy as she usually was. I asked her what she had asked me a week ago.

“So, how was it?”

She looked at me with sad eyes.

“It’s not bad.”

“You got lonely too?”

She nodded.

“You’re not frightened of the dark, are you?”

She shook her head.

“But the dark is uneasy right?”

She hesitated and looked at me. She considered it then nodded. She looked a lot younger. I took her hand and we walked behind everyone else. We said nothing more about the mine. Ceri couldn’t play after school because she had to help her mother so I played with Morgan instead. It was strange seeing Ceri like that. It was strange not playing with her. Morgan loved the attention though. I struggled to sleep that night. Ceri’s sad hollow face haunted me.

Months passed by.

I was sat against the wall, listening for the next hurrier to come by. Father was working further down the tunnel with Cynfab and my sisters pulled the rock they mined to the surface. I was able to make out their outline as they went past with the cart. It reassured me to have them working close by. It wasn’t uncommon for families to work together like this. They needed me to be a trapper in the mine, so I was. I’d accepted my fate now. I was still uneasy in the dark, it still tried to reach out and drown me, but the mine was now my world. Sunday School was a dream I visited with Ceri once a week. We were often both exhausted after Sunday school so we would talk all the way home and separate outside my house. We never had time for games anymore. I spent the evening playing with Morgan. Sometimes I taught him things; I wanted him to be smart, so he didn’t end up down here. 

I sighed and extended my legs across the floor. I guessed it was about midday by the heat. It was really hot because it was summer. The rock was cool against my legs. I wasn’t too hot. I knew from my sisters that they were glad I didn’t work up top, because they wore only their undergarments. Some boys wore nothing in the heat. I breathed in the warm air and sighed again. My dark world dragged. As l was lying there I felt a rat scurry passed the sole of my foot; its fur tickled. It didn’t bother me. I placed my foot back down after I had scratched it. Then another rat jumped over my leg. Two ran between my back and the wall. My body stiffened. Three more rats climbed over me and I knew something was wrong. I remembered my sisters’ words and pushed myself up from the floor. I ran up the shaft and followed the sound of the tiny squeaks and scurries. 

The rats seemed to diverge at the main tunnel so I stood and waited at the entrance. I listened to the sound coming up the tunnel and tried to distinguish it from the echoes around me. A hurrier passed behind me. He carried on unaware I was standing so close. I listened and listened. I feared I was wrong to have left the trap. I would’ve been punished if someone told the foreman. Then I heard what I was expecting. It was the sound of rock falling. I waited until it had finished echoing and then waited some more. My family were down there, but I had to be sure it was safe for me. I waited until the next hurrier came and went before I carefully walked down the tunnel. I hadn’t used the walls from guidance in months but now I kept low and stretched from wall to wall. I passed my trap and went deeper into the mine than I ever had before. I reached a pile of rock. I placed my hands on it and felt it. They were rather large chunks. 

“Father!?!”

I listened for a response. Nothing came back so I yelled again.

“Father!?!”

There was no response. I turned and ran back up the tunnel, and rushed into the light. I had to raise my arm to shield my eyes which burned at the unfamiliar sight of the midday sun. Looking through my watery eyes, I ran to the Foreman’s hut and knocked loudly. The door opened and he stood with the scariest face I had ever seen. He glared at me, but courage was able to overcome my fear. 

“Cave in! There’s been a cave in. I think men might be trapped.”

I watched the Foreman’s face change. He knew I was being serious. He called together some of the old men who helped up top. These men were strong but couldn’t do a full day mining anymore, so they help sort the mined rock. Some of the strong hurriers who were unloading carts also came over. I led them to the cave in. They all lit their candles and I stepped back. I watched them from afar as they pulled rocks from the tunnel and loaded a cart with them. They worked hard and fast and I went to my trap. I wasn’t needed at the cave in but I was needed at the door. So I watched the dim light in the distance, knowing they were trying to save my family. I hoped no one had been near when the rocks fell, I didn’t want anyone to be hurt. I watched for the rest of the afternoon, and just before it was time to leave they had cleared it. Everyone was safe and beams were inserted into the roof to support it. We rejoiced when we went home.

Years passed by. 

The routine on Sunday made them fly by. I went to the service then spent the afternoon at Sunday School. I tried to understand what was said and I tried to remember it but I didn’t need it down the mine. I noticed the letters on the papers were getting harder to read and my eyes hurt in bright sunlight. If it was too bright I couldn’t leave the house. When I could go to Sunday School, Ceri walked home with me. She enjoyed the sun too and sometimes we’d laugh together. On good days we went to the stream and splashed in it, but it was a bad day today so we departed at my house. 

My father came back from drinking with a paper clasped in his hand. He showed the family and announced what the article was about. Apparently some law makers in London didn’t like the conditions in the mines and were thinking of implementing some laws. One of the laws was about the age boys could start work. There was talk of raising it to ten or thirteen, which would mean half the children in the mine couldn’t work anymore. It was still being argued but I didn’t care. The law meant that Morgan would have to be my age before he’d be allowed down the mine. There was a chance he might do something else. He could even go to school!

Weeks passed by.

The law was passed yesterday. It meant no women, girls or boys less than ten years were able to work in the mine. It meant my three sisters couldn’t work, but we needed them too. I’d listened to my parents arguing about it last night. Morgan was to keep the law, he was going to enter the mine at ten, but because all the rest of us were older than ten we had to work. They didn’t see why the girls couldn’t work so we went up to the mine as a family that morning. Father led the way with Cynfab and they went straight to the foreman. I stayed with the girls but after a few words Father called us over. The Foreman needed the workers and cared not for the new law, so I passed through the dark entrance with my family and headed to my trap as usual. 

Days passed by.

Not much had changed since the law had passed. Some of the youngest children and girls had stopped coming but most families needed the money so we were only a little short-handed. I still worked the traps, which didn’t bother me. I was used to the time spent in thought, and the darkness that surrounded me. 

Months passed by.

It was the day of the inspection. The law had to be enforced, Father said, but the mine owners knew when the inspectors would come so they weren’t much good. My sisters had stayed at home today, along with the other women and the children less than ten. We were short on trappers so some of the hurriers had to help out. It must have been strange for them, so used to pulling carts, to sit in the darkness with nothing but yourself and the rats. The inspector passed me by without asking much, he had probably got all his answers from the other trappers. He nodded at me and waved his candle too close to my eyes. I had to blink fast because it hurt so much. I saw nothing more of him after he’d come back up, but when I got back home Father told us it was work as usual the next day, so it had all gone well. There had been a few safety concerns but it was a mine and accidents always happened. It was hard to stop them. I couldn’t tell if my sisters were pleased but they seemed to have enjoyed the day off. 

Months passed by. 

I headed up to the mine while the sky behind the mountain was just lightening up. I didn’t head for my trap today but went to the Foreman who quickly signalled to a bulky man and his son, Rhun. Rhun was going to learn to work the rock face, and I was to be their hurrier. Rhun, who was four year older than me at fifteen years, had been in the mine since he was six years. He showed me to the cart and helped me to put the leather belt around my waist. It felt heavy with the chain attached to it. I had to push the cart slowly down the mine to the rock face and Rhun guided me. I counted how many traps we went through before we turned off onto a short side tunnel. Here I had to wait and I watched as the man showed his son how to hit the rock with the pick axe in the candle light. I realised why Father used his candles so much. The tunnel was so small that the man could barely kneel to hit the wall, but he started to take rock out the wall and the cart soon filled up. 

It was my turn to work. I positioned the belt round my waist and stepped forward. The chain tightened. I pushed on my front leg and the belt started to dig in. I held my breath and push more and the cart barely moved. I moved my foot forward and pushed again with as much strength as I could and the cart rocked slightly. Rhun was told to help me because I wasn’t strong enough yet, so he pushed from the back. He was a lot stronger and we started to get the cart moving. I bent over completely and pulled on my hands and knees. The belt dug in deeper with every step and my legs hurt with the effort. My shirt quickly became damp and I had to shield my eyes from the bright sunlight as we reached the entrance. The belt fell to my feet and I knelt on the floor and panted. 

“Now you have to empty it.”

I looked at Rhun and pushed myself up off the ground. I stepped out the belt and reached into the cart. I grasped a small looking rock. I tried to lift it and got it a little way up before it slipped from my grasp. I rearranged my grip and heaved the rock out of the cart. The strain sent pain through my sore stomach as I walked the rock to the pile ready for processing by the older men and women. I only managed three rocks in the time it took Rhun to do the rest of the cart. He stayed with me as I tried not to be pulled along by the cart as we headed back to the rock face. This continued for the rest of my shift and I enjoyed the rest as Rhun filled the cart. I knew I’d have to start doing it soon but there wasn’t enough room for both of us to move. I just sat in the dark, the candlelight barely reaching me. It didn’t bother me, the dark was my friend. My last cart of the day was the hardest and my clothes were sodden and clung to my skin. I was happy to get in the cold bath that night. I was so hungry that the vegetable stew barely touched my mouth and I fell asleep straight away that night; my body was exhausted. 

Weeks passed by.

My body complained as I pulled the cart up the slope, and the belt rubbed against the bare flesh of my waist. I now worked in only my underwear, though that one piece of cloth was damp after my first trip to the surface. My arms and legs were more accustomed to the work and I was able to lift and pull more. I hadn’t been to Sunday School since I became a hurrier though. I was too exhausted to move much; the day was for rest and food. I hadn’t seen Ceri much because of it and I missed the change of scene. I still tried to go outside. If it wasn’t too bright I’d take Morgan to the stream and we’d play, or he’d play and I’d lie in the shade. Sometimes Ceri joined us after Sunday School, and she’d lie beside me in the shade. We never had much to talk about but her being there comforted me. She even played with Morgan once, when I’d fallen asleep. It made my Sundays better to see her.

My arms and legs were starting to look bigger, and I was learning to best ways to avoid my ankles getting crushed by the wheels of the cart. I’d seen a boy with a hurt ankle from a cart some weeks back return today. I knew I had to be careful. We reached the top and started to unload the rock. I was able to clear a fairer share of the cart now, though Rhen still had to move the larger ones. My eyes still hurt as I passed between the dark and light, but the more I crossed the more I was able to handle it. I was able work through the glare and enjoyed the odd cool summer breeze that felt so clean and fresh against my dirty, sticky skin. If I was lucky I heard the sound of birds and I was able to forget the mine and the clanging of metal on rock. Then I would descend back into the darkness and the light faded like a dream. The hot air stripped away the sensation of cool instantaneously and the empty cart was the only proof that I’d ever left the mine. 

Months passed by.

I lifted the large rock from the floor with both hands. I was only just able to get it in the cart as the roof was so low. Rhun’s father was one of the best miners in the mine and he was able to mine very fast. He’d barely started the day and he’d already filled my cart. I moved round the cart and brought the belt to my waist. I was just over twelve years and could no longer stand up in the mine. I placed my hands on the ground and started to pull, my feet always inches from the wheels. My body knew what to do as I inched closer and closer to the main tunnel. I passed through a trap. I barely registered the door opening and shutting. The memory of my time as a trapper felt so far in the past, even though just over a year had passed since I lasted opened one. A rat ran over my hand, heading up the tunnel. I didn’t register it. I stepped forward and slipped as I trod on another furry body and my knee hit the rock. The cart slipped backward but I managed to stop it. I cursed. I picked myself up and continued, biting through the pain in my knee. 

There was a loud crack above me. I started to turn. My heart started to race. I was halfway through the turn when something fell on the chain attaching me to the cart. It pulled my waist, the belt dug into the skin. I felt my mouth open as if to scream. I felt the pressure on my ankle as it was crushed. Rock fell in front of me and I heard the rapid beating of my heart resound in my ears. My body was pulled upright. My eyes stung as dust fell, causing tears to flow. My hands flailed helplessly as a rock fell onto my shoulder, pushing me to the left and slamming my head into yet more rock. Pain filled my head as I gasped for breath. I barely registered the rock that landed on my neck. 

********** 

I blink. I can breathe. But it’s still dark. My thoughts are a mess as I try to work out what just happened. I wiggle my limbs. They seem to move as I want. I crawl forward. It feels like I’m swimming through a thick soup. I reach forward and my hand hits air. Relief fills me as I pull myself out. I’m on my hands and knees and still in the mine. It’s not as dark as where I was for some reason. It’s not light but I can see the walls. It’s unsettling. I turn to see where I’d come from, to see why it’d been so dark and hard to move. I freeze. Behind me is a wall of rock. Not solid rock but a pile, like that of a cave in. My last memories fill my mind and fear fills me. I start to panic as it doesn’t make sense. I can’t have crawled through rock. Surely not! I step back and fall. Hitting the rock doesn’t hurt. I cry as pieces slip together.

Time passes. 

I’m still sitting here, staring at the pile of rock that contains my body. My heart hurts so much. I still don’t understand what’s happened. Tears fall and disappear when they hit the floor. My new body is white and I can see the world through it. I haven’t moved to test it. I don’t want to. I don’t want to confirm what I believe has happened. I’m breathing but I know the air around me is still. Tears stream but they aren’t wet. I cry until I hear voices come down the tunnel. Feet are pounding the rock and the noise bounces around me.

“The cave in is this way!”

“My lord, this is bad. Let’s get this passage clear.”

The miners start to work at the rock in front of me, heaving and smashing it by the dim candle light, though none seem to have seen me. I still haven’t moved, expecting one to bump into me. They don’t. They just pass straight through. My breathing quickens. My body rocks and new tears fall. The miners’ work fades into the background as I rock in the middle of the tunnel. I’m mourning. I want to yell and scream. I pound my fists against the floor. There is no pain, no pressure and no cold. I take a deep breath and scream. I put everything into it and I hear it travelling away from me and echoing. But the men and boys in front of me keep working. I watch as they use beams to stop more rock from falling and I realising I can see better than them. They only have the candles that are of little use in all the movement. 

“I found a body!”

I stand up on shaking legs. I walk slowly round, closer to the pile of rock, trying to get a better view. I stand back until my pale figure is against the wall. I lift my eyes and watch a familiar form being pulled from the rubble. I still have the leather belt around my stomach. The miners treat my body with tender care as they continue to clear the rock. They lift the large one that was on the chain and my ankle. Both had been broken by the force of the rock. The men carefully turn my body over and lay it on a clear patch of floor. A candle is held close to my face. It is black with coal dust. My eyes and mouth are both half open. 

“Gethyn?” A familiar voice spoke. 

“Gethyn!” The voice breaks from the sorrow that fills the speaker’s heart. 

I watch my father move into the light of the candle. He places his hand on my blackened head and places his forehead against mine. He leaves it there. I want to reach forward. I want to touch his shoulder. I want him to see me. I want him to hold me. He scoops up my body and holds it tight for a few minutes, before heading down the tunnel. Fear fills me as he leaves.

“Father!” I yell, running after him.

“Father, I’m here! Please see me!”

It hurts so much that he can’t see me. He can’t hear my words. I’m here but I’m not. I can see light at the end of the tunnel now. My father is now a shadow against it. I can see my limp legs dangling on his left and the top of my head on his right. He carries my body into the afternoon sun and I can see the familiar valley. My aching heart feels relief from this familiarity for a second, until I hit an unseen barrier. I can’t step any further. I can’t leave the mine. I watch my father and my body walk away. I stand looking out on the world I love, the valley I grew up in. I long for the family I may never see again. I stand there for a while. Staring until I’m sure father is home. I look down as I imagine my mother’s reaction. I head back into my dark world.

Months pass. 

My dark world is still dark. There are other souls here. Others, young and old, who are also trapped in the dark world of the mine. All of us are see-through. They are nice, kind. They understand my pain. Everyone has a story. A family they miss. There are children younger than me, and some my age. We play sometimes. We run through the tunnels and dance beneath the falling rock. It doesn’t hurt anymore. We watch the rats run and chase them. They seem to know we exist, but they ignore us most the time. Sometimes young ones try to nip my feet, trying to make me dance, but I don’t feel them. 

My favourite thing is sitting at one of the entrances. The light no longer blinds me. I watch the sunrise and the sunset and never get bored. It’s always different, and the valley never seems to be dull. Switching entrances helps too; sometimes I sit at the top of the up-shaft for a different view. I see the seasons change and the snow fall. I watch the frost melt as the first light starts to hit it. They say you disappear faster if you sit in the light but I’m not worried. I want to leave this dark world behind. No one should live in the dark.

I like to listen to the stories of the other souls during the night, when the mine is quiet. They tell me about friends and their past lives. There are souls who have been dead longer than my father has been alive. They knew my brother, the one I never met. He’d been crushed like I had. They told me how he used to talk and play and how he used to entertain the women. They had doted on him. He used to watch my father and Cynfab work. He used to wait at the entrance for them and wait for their days to start. He hated Sundays because they didn’t work and he couldn’t be with them. That’s why he didn’t last as long, because he waited at the entrance. He disappeared about the same time I started to work in the mine. 

But I don’t share his need to watch my family. I do see them every now and again. But it hurts to see them, a deep heavy pain. It reminds me that I’m dead. Sometimes I pass them in the tunnels after the sun sets, and I can’t stop that. I sometimes watch Ceri instead, because it hurts a lot less. My friend continues to work as I did. I’ll never know how she found out, or if she misses me. I wonder if she’s already forgotten, if she spends time with someone else. Does she still go down to the stream? Does Morgan go along? She never seemed to mind when I brought him with me. Does she keep him safe like I used to? Or does she stay away from my family now? I think of the Sundays we spent together in Sunday School and wonder if she still goes. I wonder what her life will be like, what the future holds for her. Or if she would have one, as she could end up joining me. But I don’t want that. It will be better for her to die in the valley. In the light, and not the dark of the mine. 

Years pass.

With each sunset I’m getting paler and paler. The other souls say I should stay away from the sun or I’ll disappear. But I can’t help it. I just have to see the sunrise one more time. As I reach the opening I see a figure that catches my eye. He’s clean. There’s no coal dust on him yet. He’s in patched up clothes that are filthy. They’re from a sibling who has been in the mine. He’s talking with an older miner who I do recognise. My Father. I feel heavy again. I look at the boy as he’s led towards me. He must be starting as a trapper. His face shows the worry I remember I had on my first day. This will be his first shift. He pauses in front of me on the edge of the light. The edge of the world I can’t enter. I stand in the dark world facing him, as the sun rises over the hills with a great rainbow of colour. The boy is a tad shorter than me, but his features are familiar. I stare at his pale skin and light eyes. He’s in my clothes. My heart sinks as the sun’s rays shine around him. Morgan steps through me and enters the dark world as I fade from it.

**Author's Note:**

> The names of the characters in this work were chosen for a reason. They all have a meaning; Cynfab means 'first son', Mabon means 'child', Morgan means 'circle, complete', Gethyn means 'dusky, dark', Ceri means 'love', and Rhun means 'great'. 
> 
> There are lots of historical nuggets in this but there are a few inaccuracies, particularly with candles. Children were not given candles in the mines as they didn't need them and they were expensive. I gave Gethyn one as I wanted to use it to portray the light and dark as how scared and unnerving it has been. Having been down many a welsh mine, the shadows cast are eerie. In one we even stood in the light of one candle. The light really does not penetrate the darkness and it amazing what people did in the terrible conditions of the mine. 
> 
> This fiction is based around The Coal Mine Regulations Act of 1842, which came into effect in 1843. It really didn't stop women and children under 10 heading down the mine.


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